Reality ruined my life.
when zerrie argue do u think perrie’s all like ‘at least we won the x factor’
yes and zayn would be like, “at least we won so many awards, performed at the Olympics, has 2 #1 albums in several countries, been chosen as models for a clothing line, performed at MSG, sold out some arenas and currently having our 2nd tour for our second album”
And zayn would add, “and we were just 3rd placer”
“Hello.” I mumbled lazily as I placed the phone next to my ear.
“Harry…”
I automatically sat up, my eyes widening. I looked at the clock and I realized it was still 9 in the evening. I gulped and stood up, walking towards the table in my living room. “Hey. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I just wanna hear your voice.”
I closed my eyes, letting her words register. I bit my lip, not knowing what to reply. I heard her laugh and it made me smile. Her laugh is one of the best things in the world. “So, how’s life?”
“It’s good. The European tour is a success so far and I just can’t stop myself from thinking what have I done to be this blessed. The fans are really great. I owe them so much. We just —-“. I stopped talking, wiping my face. “Am I talking too much? I’m sorry. I really —”.
“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry.” She said softly. I nodded and exhaled heavily. What to do now? “Hey, remember that time when we went to the zoo?”
I laughed at the thought of her screaming because of the tiger that was staring at her. “Of course. God, I’ve never been embarrassed in my whole life.” I chuckled, my hand on my stomach.
“Yours was embarrassing! You freaked out when the monkey touched you!” She laughed at the other end. I wish I can see her right now.
“Yes but I got to kiss you right there so—-“ Shit. “Uhm, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“Nah, it’s okay. Don’t worry. Past is past, right?” Hearing her say that was like being tortured in hell. I had never thought that I would just be part of her past; that I could never be part of her entire life. I heard her sniff and that made me sad. “Hey, are you crying?”
“No. I have a cold. Don’t worry.” She chuckled. She’s lying again. I’ve already mastered her. I know when she is lying or not and when she is happy or sad. I heard her sniff again and I really just want to go to her and have her in my arms like we usually do… years ago.
No one said anything after that and the silence was killing me. I suddenly heard myself say, “Why did you call? Please. Tell me.”
“I just miss you. That’s all.”
All the memories came back to my mind. The day I first saw her at the bookstore. The day I got to know her name. The days we’ve spent together. The first date we had that was organized by Liam and Niall. The time she introduced me to her family. The day we became an official couple. First kiss, first fight, first vacation, and so many firsts. The days when we just cuddle and block the world. The days when we thought that everything was perfect even though it’s actually not but by just having each other close, it was more than perfect. The day I asked her to marry me. She said yes and I was the happiest man on Earth. She was everything I needed. Heck, she is everything I need.
“You can’t just say that, you know.” I answered, trying to dodge all those memories. It’s over now. It’s been over for years.
“I know.” She whispered. And I know she was crying already. I gulped, trying to stop myself from crying. “I am not expecting anything. I just miss you.”
“Stop it, please.” I pleaded and my voice broke. Shit. “I don’t need this.”
Silence. I can’t take this anymore. I actually thought I have moved on already. It’s been years, for Pete’s sake. Grow up, Harry!! But then again, I realized that I still love her. So much. Why can’t I just accept that? I started to feel the pain again. The loneliness and everything I had felt when we broke up… They’re back and FUCK, they surely do know how to ruin someone. I started to cry, the tears streaming down my face. Fuck everything. Maybe I only need a closure. That’s it. Maybe, just maybe.
“Can you….” I said, wiping the tears in my eyes. I sighed and closed my eyes, swallowing the saliva that was forming in my mouth. “Please say my name. Please.”
I cried harder than before, wrapping my arms around my knees, phone still on my right ear. Please, just say my name.
“Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry.” She said. I closed my eyes, hand on my chest. Shit. This hurts so much. Fuck. Let it stop. “I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry.”
I didn’t respond. I can’t. Why should I listen to her? She fucking broke up with me. I did everything to get her back but nothing worked. After how many months, I learned that the management forced her to break up with me and since she didn’t want to be a distraction, she didn’t hesitate. And that made me even furious. If she loved me so much, she wouldn’t agree right? Fuck.
I heard a knock on my door. I wiped my face with the shirt and sniffed. Clearing my thought, I said, “Have to go. Nice talking to you again.”
“I love you.” Trust me, I just wanted to lay on the floor and bawl my eyes out. This is unfair. Why should I be the one that needs to suffer so much? I started crying again but I didn’t make any sound. Stop crying, Harry. For fuck’s sake, be a man.
“If you say so.” I answered, trying not to be mean or whatsoever. Believe me, I just want to punch myself. I heard her sigh and then, she ended the call. I sniffed and cried again. This time, I was shaking uncontrollably. I was kneeling on the floor, hand clutching my shirt. I started shouting. Why is this happening?! Why now?!! I shouldn’t be feeling thing this!
Someone opened the door and I saw my girlfriend running towards me. She knelt beside me and she was rubbing my back. She hugged me so tight, comforting me like a baby. See? This is the reason why I shouldn’t let her get in to me. I have a girl already. She’s nice but of course, she is nothing compared to her.
SHIT, HARRY. STOP BEING SO COMPLICATED. STOP IT. FUCK. GROW UP.
“Babe, are you okay? What happened?” She asked, rocking me back and forth.
“I love you too.” I said, closing my eyes.